A Thousand Words or More...

You heard it, no more classes. Well, for this semester. I have to write 4 papers this weekend and study for my meteorology final that is Thursday morning. I'm not for sure what day I'll be heading home yet. Friday or Saturday, one of the two. I have no idea how I'm going to cram all this stuff into my car. I've bought so much stuff since I've moved down here, and my car was PACKED when I came down here the first time. Ok well I have nothing else to say for now. I think I might lay down and watch some more King of the Hill.

Well well well. I got my meteorology test back today. It was weird, on my way to class I was like hmm ok I'm going to get a 70% on this, I know it. When I got to class I freaked out and was like ok I'll be happy with a 60%. As I sat there patiently (haha yeah right) to receive my test I watched the looks on peoples faces. They were not happy looks. I finally got my test, flipped it over and...red 70% stared back at me. :) Kinda freaked me out since I told myself that I was going to get a 70% on it right before class. Oh well, it was a bright spot in my day.

After class I decided to finish up my car cleaning task. Took me about 3.5 hours to complete. I'm going to miss the car wash here, I found out today that the vacuums have hot carpet shampoo, and ohhhh did it do wonders to my carpets! :) I competely waxed my blue baby, so its all shiny and perty now. :) I still need to get it to a dealership to get my transmission checked out, its going nuts I think. Hopefully its still under warranty, at least it better be since its not even 2 years old!

Ok after all that went down, I decided to skip out of my meteorology lab today and sleep, my back was killing me again and causing a major headache. I've figured it out that the cause of my headaches over the last few days is because I have somehow messed my back up. I swear it feels like I have whiplash all over again. I'm thinking once I get back home I'll be frequenting the chiropractor A LOT! I woke up about 5:30pm and got ready for my physics final. It was pretty easy, at least I think. The instructor asked me how I thought it went and I was like I think I did pretty good. My TA was like you better have done well on it! Anyway my TA for that class was weird, but that's a whole different story.

I came back to the room afterwards and there were like people hanging out all up in our room. There hasn't been that many people in our room since the beginning of the semester. It was kinda different, I like different things so I didn't mind. Amanda said something about freaking out when we started packing and left. I got to thinking, and for the first time today realized that I am also going to freak out. It's weird, I feel like I'm living two separate lives. I have my friends back at home, and I have my friends here. I have always been used to my separate groups of friends kind of crossing paths, these separate groups of friends don't. I don't know if they ever will either. All I know is I am very grateful for all the friends I have.

It's really weird how both of these "lives" that I am living are crossing, or at least certain features seem the same. I used to hang out with Kyle, Christina, and Jeremy all the time. Here I hang out with Amanda, Erik, and Wes all the time. Erik reminds me of Kyle, Amanda reminds me of Christina, and Wes somewhat reminds me of Jeremy. It's really odd how that works out. I mean the four of us pretty much do the same weird stuff that I used to do at home. It's going to be weird going home.

I don't know if I'm ready to go home yet. I have become comfortable with my surroundings and settled in. Now I have to pack up again and move back. Even if I'm not ready to I have to, I have no choice. There are still a lot of things to finish at home. I left in a hurry and didn't really get to say "hey I'm moving off to Oklahoma" to a lot of my friends and people I know. I should probably inform some of these people. As I stated in my post before this one, no more sad posts. This post may seem sad, but I'm not sad. I've just been thinking about the near future. I know I'll be happy at home, at least for awhile. :)

To bad I have to write a paper about her CD being the best in the world. Ahhh. Anyway, it adds to my pretty much crappy day. I have felt like CRAP all day today. I think I may have slept weird or something because I have like a tension headache, If I press in one area on my neck it feels better. I wish it would go away. Today has been probably the worst day I've had in like a week. Tomorrow I am going to wake up and be happy again. :) All I need is to think happy! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I promise no more crappy day posts for awhile, if not to you my readers, but to myself.

Hallie's cute little babies. :)

Reminds me of Matchbox Twenty. Well I haven't heard that song in awhile, truth is, it is like 3:30 am. But anyway, I'm still up. I have a major headache, and I am hoping it doesn't turn into a migraine. ARG. Not much happened today (well yesterday now). I went to class at 8:30 till 10:30, came back and slept from 1 to 5, went and ate. It was Wes's birthday [HAPPY BIRTHDAY WES!!!] Amanda and I bought a cake for him and that was pretty much it. Went to the apartment, played cards, came back and played games online, and now I'm here. What an exciting day! :| I did get my income tax refund check today, that was probably the highlight of my day. Not saying that Wes's birthday was not highlighting at all. hehehe :)

Lyrics by Michelle Branch

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
And it's keeping you away

So just give me one good reason
Tell my why I should stay
'Cause I don't want to waste another moment
Saying things we never meant to say

And I… take it just a little bit
I hold my breath and count to ten
I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe…
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe… every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well its all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

And I… get you just a little time
I wonder if you realize
I've been waiting 'til I see it in your eyes

If I just breathe…
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe… every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe…

Breathe… 'til I whisper in the dark
Oh can you hear… me?
Do you hear… me?

If I just breathe…
Let it fill the space between
Oh no, everything is alright
Breathe… every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
Everything is alright
If I just breathe… breathe

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain

Wow, we have two weeks of school left. I still need to write my two papers for English class, and now 2 more. I HAVE to do them tomorrow! Its going to be a crazy week. I must focus on my schoolwork. Anyway, I am glad that I am starting to level out on my craziness. My zoloft doing its thing. :) I'm starting to feel really relaxed again. There are a few things that I still think about a lot. I know of two major ones right at the moment. I'm not worrying about my grades, they are going to be horrible, I already know that so that's nothing to worry about. Just other things. For now I'm going to take things one day at a time, all that happens, happens.

I bought the new Hanson CD today. I never thought I would listen to Hanson ever again. (for those of you that don't know, I had a huge thing for Hanson during my middle school years: posters all over my walls, shirts, CD's, everything. I'm sure my parents loved it) Their new CD is really really good. It has no relation to MMMbop what-so-ever. Their style of music has changed and it is way better now. You should check them out! I don't think I'm going to hunt my posters up and stick them back up on my walls at home, but they are worth listening to. Taylor's eyes are soooo awesome! Guys should not be allowed to have such blue eyes like his. :) [joking, I wouldn't know what to do if it wasn't for guys with blue eyes!]

Ok just letting everyone know I had a pretty uneventful day, but not an uneventful weekend. Post at ya later!

Wow that's kinda how I feel!

just thought that was an interesing fact :)

I had fun yesterday/today. I decided Thursday night around 1 am that I wanted to go see Kyle's band perform their first concert up in some off the wall microscopic town in Kansas (I started calling it Mc Whatever). I didn't realize that it was a 5 hour drive, until after I was like...I want to get out of here and go! It was nice to get out and do something different though. Also it was nice to see familiar faces of people from home (well sorta home).

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Amanda and Erik for going with me. Even though I probably would have went by myself, thank you so much guys! I know it was probably pretty boring for you but I hope you found some part of the trip somewhat relaxing/amusing/entertaining. (Erik should NEVER change his ways and be a hick, or let alone TRY, it just doesn't work)

Kyle's band, Gordy Skips, is really good. If you are some random person reading my blog for some unforsaken reason, you should check out their site. It sucked that we arrived a little late and missed half the show but for the few songs I was there to hear, they were awesome. I'm really glad that everything is going good for them, its pretty cool to see my best friend up on stage with a band. :)

Even though we were there for a short time it was nice to hang out with Kyle again. I really miss the days when we all worked at Mazzio's, or as Kyle would say, I worked for him at Mazzio's. I think it would be great to go back two years ago and re-live the summer. Days hangin out at my house, working, nights cruising around, going to the truckstop. What fun. Well that won't happen but I am very grateful to have a friend as good as Kyle. :)

Anyway, in closing, I feel rather relaxed. I guess the road trip was good for me mentally. I don't know why thinking while driving is less stressful than thinking while sitting around. Even though I have a crap load of homework to do still this weekend, I feel less stressed out about it. THANK GOD! I'm tired of being stressed out.

Well yesterday (still today for me) was alright. Woke up went to my 2 classes, wrote part of my 1984 paper, went to my meteorology lab. That's when my day officially started. I absolutely could NOT concentrate through the entirety of my lab. I did not want to be on the fourteenth floor of Sarkeys, I wanted and needed to be out on the road, chasing after my storms. I knew, just as I had posted last night before I went to sleep, that everything was going to start up during my metr lab, and indeed that's what happened. Although the view from the fourteenth floor of Sarkeys was great to watch the convecting clouds tower up and the bands of rain sweeping across the city, I would have much rather been out driving around in it. Our TA let people go at the beginning of class, since we could make up the lab next week during our make up lab date. But good ol me had to stay since I contracted mono a month ago and missed 3 weeks of lab. So needless to say I stayed and finished my lab. So as the storms began to build, there I sat trying to figure out if the precipitation type was sleet, freezing rain, or snow off of three different skew t charts. Once again a lab with skew t's. arg. It was hard but I managed to get through it. We drove probably a good 70 miles chasing after the storm, we didn't see much, just a few rainbows, some rain, and some dark clouds. I think everytime I've been storm chasing I've seen a rainbow. I remember when I used to get excited when I was a kid when a rainbow would form after a storm. Now its something I take for granted, they are really pretty, its amazing what water can do. We couldn't live without it. Anyway, days like today make me not want to change my major. Well, I should have another interesting day today, I'm going to prepare for a big chase since I don't have any classes while Amanda is in class, then after she gets out we are heading for the best place to view the storm. Hopefully today will be the day I see my tornado.

Lyrics by The Who

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Man, the next two days look good for storms. I might have to go out and about today and check out the scene. I bet its all gonna go up about 3:30 when I have my meteorology lab. Maybe we could take the class mobile-style and chase some storms for my metr lab. I would say that would be a great lab project. Especially since the last 3 have been about those danged skew-t log-p charts. I learned a lot from them but arg! Enough is enough, lets chase some storms! I'm starting to worry that I'm not going to see any good storms down here before I go home. I got word today that there was a tornado warning at home. I called Lora, she said that there was a reported tornado by someone near Blackburn, then it went to Malta bend (right in my chase territory!). Then she said something about the thing never touching the ground, (that would be a funnel cloud, not a tornado). Shows you what common folk know about weather, or at least tornadoes and funnel clouds. But back to my point. This is what's going to happen, I'm going to be down here for the weather and a F5 tornado is going to rip through town back at home.

Well well, here it is like a month after I returned from spring break. I still have TWO English papers to write. I keep putting them off. I need to get them done, I have like 4 days left in that class. Also I have to make up 3 meteorology labs. What fun. I have a big meteorology test Friday. I'm aiming for a B on this one, my last two tests I got F's on so I need to kick butt on this one and my final. I've already started studying for it so I don't feel that bad about it.

So, earlier tonight I called Kyle. (told you I would mention you on here!) He was probably happy I didn't call him complaining about the world again. I've been doing that a lot lately, its not normal for me. I feel kinda bad for calling him all the time and complaining. Thanks for always listening to my crap! Your the best! :) Everything is getting better, I'm back on my medicine and its slowly working. Okie dokie, well I should be sleeping now.

Lately I've been thinking. Thinking is bad. I am tore between two things I love. I've been thinking about changing my major, we all know that I love the weather, but I also love music. Majoring in music seems more within my reach than Meteorology. I know I could do the meteorology thing, it would just take a lot more work and effort. Music comes naturally to me and I think I wouldn't be forced to learn stuff I really could care less about. I mean I don't really want to take 4 semesters of calculus and 2 other higher level math classes. I would have to force myself to learn the content of these classes. As for music, I want to learn how to write music, I want to learn how to conduct, I want to go sit and watch recitals. Majoring in music seems easier than meteorology. But do I want to take the easy route or do I want to actually work for something and feel like I've accomplished something difficult. I wish this was an easier decision.

YES! My mother and I are going to see the Moody Blues on the 27th of May. YAY! I'm excited!

Lyrics by Pink

I can remember the very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize

Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again

Do you even know who you are?
I guess I'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as I count the rings
around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world I know aside
I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to
try

I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem

Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No

Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz I'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you
Cuz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
true

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, I wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh I guess not

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, I'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a superstar?
Oh, I have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?

Well I was able to withdrawl from my physics class. Now I only have my Meteorology class, English, and my Physics Lab. Fairly easy classes. I wish I didn't get sick and missed class so much, it really sucks. Oh well my Physics and Calc 2 should be easier next semester since I will have a heads up as to what we will be learning. Not to mention partially know some of the material. That's a good thing I guess.

Today is the day. The day I find out if I get to drop my physics class. I hope I get to, I don't want or need my gpa to be screwed. I'm ready for a fresh start next semester.

oh yes, my senior quote :) gotta love it

Amanda, Wes, and I went to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. :) we had a blast. at least Amanda and I did. Should have went through with the birthday thing though. I had this idea since Wes's birthday is in a few weeks to get the waitstaff to do their birthday thing, but i wasnt for sure if they actually did anything. I went up and asked about it, and the waitress was like "oh yeah, we do fun stuff for birthdays!" then as soon as i got back to the table someone in the resturant was a victim of birthday humiliation. I think Wes was for sure it was him since he said something about it not being his birthday yet, and right as he said that they were like "can i have your attention please we have a birthday in the house" anyway, i have a cute shirt now and i had fun :) I enjoy doing different things than the norm.

well, here i go:

I don't know how i feel. about ANYTHING. i can't think about anything, or do anything about anything. are you following me? probably not. I can't follow myself right now. I feel like I'm in some kind of void between reality and some other space in time. I just want someone I can tell everything to. I know I have someone like that, and i think that is the thing that worries me. I don't know. I wish I could just be home by myself and not have to deal with anyone right now. Even being around my friends makes me sick, that is not normal. (sorry guys nothing against you, I don't know what I would do without you guys) I think it may be a lack of what I like to call "me time." I don't get much of it anymore. 22 days, can it be that bad~? I can't let it be that bad, I can't. I need to be with Lora, she would understand and pull me out of this black hole of life I'm being sucked into. She saves me from the world all the time. I just need to cruise around for an hour and talk like we used to always do. 22 more days.

this is what i do instead of sleep... change colors on my blog.

uh oh... look who has their own blog! me me me! yay :)