A Thousand Words or More...

Current mood: indescribable

I've learned today that I can't stop people from ruining their own life. No matter how much they mean to me. Probably because I'm the worst at expressing my feelings to anyone, which is why I never really have any good relationships. Not that expressing my feelings in this particular situation will help, it was far out of my control a long time ago. I'm not even upset about that part of the situation, I'm upset because I see someone I care about doing the wrong thing. I've never been very partial to liars and people that consistently upset someone I care about. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about it, and the tears really suck.

Currently listening : Nuages du Monde By Delerium Release date: By 03 October, 2006

Current mood: sick

Probably, at least I'm 90% sure. Last Friday I had a migraine, it pretty much ruined my day. Today, (Friday) I had a migraine, luckily I caught it in time and took my medication to where it didn't completely ruin my day. So of course naturally I'm freaking out as to why I am once again being plagued by migraines. I've noticed two things that might possibly coincide with my migraines.

1. I had 2 migraines about the same time last month, although last month's migraines were probably associated with me hitting my head really hard on my car. So I'm not sure this conclusion has any significance other than, my migraines can possibly be self inflicted if I hit my head.

2. I ate the same thing, Quaker Quakes Rice Snacks, before I went to bed on each Thursday night for the last 2 weeks, each time I got a migraine during my sleep. (thank goodness I woke up to realize what was happening last night) I remember reading something a few months ago about how soy could be the cause of migraines, so when I remembered that I had ate the rice snacks last week I looked at the ingredients list… there is this huge label on the bag CONTAINS MILK AND SOY INGREDIENTS bold and caps. It just makes me wonder.

Needless to say, I'm not eating these rice snacks anymore. They are a good substitute for chips, but in all reality they don't taste THAT great. I won't miss them at all.

In other news, I'm feeling really ill. I can't breathe out of my nose, and I might be a little on the warm side. Ugh. OH and I have spring fever like nobody's business. I need to go chase a storm.

Currently listening : Tragic Kingdom By No Doubt Release date: By 10 October, 1995

(haha, I figured out that I can copy and paste all the fun stuff from my myspace blog to this one! awesome!)

Current mood: calm

You know... I have forgotten how much I love coffee. I randomly made a cup tonight, and now I remember why I bought that one cup (supposed to taste fresh from the coffee store) maker. I just genuinely love coffee. Over the last few years I think the only time I really drank coffee was when I was staying up late to study for an exam, so it wasn't really a pleasant experience. Screw that. I'm going to drink more coffee. What I really want now is a caramel frappuccino from Starbucks…I haven't had one of those since summer. Mmmmm.

I would like to apologize for turning my blog into a cry about the world fest. It appears that my life is slowly regaining an uncrappy feel to it. This semester is going to be interesting. I'm only taking 6 hours of classes, both 4000 level geography classes. I think I'm going to enjoy one, but hate the other. Also, my plan is to get a job, so I can actually afford to live and pay for school, hopefully that job will involve meteorology somehow, if not, well crap :| .

I'm not sure how I'm going to go to class, find a job, and be involved in my 20 organizations I belong to. You would think that I would have all the time in the world with only 6 hours of class, but between the month long rush for ?S? and ??S rush week next week, AHHH. I'll make it happen, I always seem to. And really I enjoy being busy, so I should just stop complaining.

So I'm going to leave you with something freaking awesome. This is not the complete movie, but I recommend that you try this if you have a copy of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, and the Wizard of Oz DVD. We did this about a month ago, and it was so awesomely weird.

Currently listening : Dark Side Of The Moon By Pink Floyd

...but I still feel helpless. I feel lighter, but I also feel heavier. How is that possible? Weird.

that is good anymore is food. I can't tell you how BAD that is. Allthough I'm sure you can imagine.

I swear, I listen to a million different songs all day long and the only ones I hear are the sad and depressing songs. I hate it.

I probably need help, but I refuse. I'll get through this, apparently on my own. I'm pretty sure that no one really cares. But then, I'm not sure I even want help.

Unloveable
By Darren Hayes


Are my lips unkissable? Are my eyes unlookable?
Is my skin untouchable? Am I unlovable?

Cynical jaded faithless disappointed disillusioned used
If I could take back all my sweat my tears my sex my joy I would
my time my love my effort passion dedication
In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you
I sound angry bitter sad infatuated It's the truth
Denial anger bargaining depression just a few
stages of acceptance that it's really over
It's just so complicated
I'm stupid for believing in you

You made me feel like my father never loved me
You made me feel like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

I had your back I held you up I told you you were good enough
It was not reciprocated You kept affection and yourself apart
You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park
Sometimes I think it satisfied to see me begging like a dog
I was enamored you were king I gave my everything
Because sometimes you showed me just a hint of you within
For just a moment I romanticized the notion
I could take away the torment
I could love you like they never did

You made me feel Like my father never loved me
You made me feel Like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?
You make me feel Like my mother she abandoned me
You make me feel Like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my heart unbreakable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?

Are my lips unkissable? Are my eyes unlookable?
Is my sex undoable? Am I unlovable?
Are my words unlistenable? Are my hands untouchable?
Am I undesirable? Am I unlovable?

You made me feel Like my father never loved me
You made me feel Like the act of love is empty
Am I So unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I Remind you of a part of you you don't like?

You made me feel Like my father never loved me
You made me feel Like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my skin untouchable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel Like my mother she abandoned me
You make feel Like the act of love is empty
Am I so unlovable?
Is my heart unbreakable?
Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?

You make me feel Like my father never loved me
You make me feel Like my mother she abandoned me
You make me feel Like my father never loved me
You make me feel Like my mother she abandoned me

This is EXACTLY how I feel....



Please help me cuz I'm breaking down
This picture's frozen, and I can't get out
Please help me cuz I'm breaking down
This picture's frozen, and I can't get out of here
Release me, I'm just as lost as you
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you

And every time I think I've finally made it
I learn I'm farther away than I have ever been before
I see the clock and its ticking away
And the hourglass empty, what the fuck do I have to say

Keep it inside, the image portrayed
As if I couldn't stand losing, as if I couldn't be saved, no way
A small confession, I think I'm starting to lose it
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need
A small reflection on when we were younger
We had it all figured out, cuz we had everything covered
Now we're older, it's getting harder to see
What this future will hold for us, what the fuck are we going to be


I'm just as lost as you, what am I gonna do?

I'm afraid I'm falling farther away
I'm falling farther away, I'm falling farther(from where I wanna be)
I'm afraid I'm falling farther away
I'm falling farther away, I'm falling farther away...

"Still Frame" by Trapt

So I was looking at random videos on YouTube about 4 hours ago and came across this guy, Dr. Hovind, or Dr. Dino. Basically all he does is go around saying that evolution is a religion/cult belief and it is wrong, and at the end of the presentation/debate, says that if you don't accept God that your going to burn forever in hell.

What I think is wrong about his approach to this subject is, if the theory of evolution should be considered a "religion" then WHY does that make evolution wrong? There are many religions across this world, Christianity could not be the RIGHT answer, this guy just needs to accept that people are going to believe what they want. He says he is not in this business for the money. That's REALLY hard to believe.

This guy is a joke. There's even a few videos where he as contradicted himself just to make him sound like he has the upper hand in the debate. My favorite is about the second law of thermodynamics. What a complete idiot. Ugh.

I wish people could be more open minded to other peoples' beliefs. If there is a God, he/she gave us the ability to think and choose on our own, I believe if you want to find a religion, you should find it on your own. Not because people use scare tactics like burning in "hell" forever.

I end this with some funny stuff...
Evolution Family Guy style
Evolution South Park style

Well, I had a blast last night, until the curb of Classen and Boyd and I had a run in. Now my nose is all scraped up and I have a gash where it looks like someone took a knife to my nose and took out a chunk. Plus some swelling. Yeah so major suckage on that.

Anyway, I'm ready to start a new year. It's going to be the greatest year of my life.

Lots of life changes start today!